Amer is an amateur slacker but dreams of going pro one day. After spending a large part of his adult life overachieving and securing some of life’s most desired opportunities, Amer found that his true passion lay in squandering them.

While studying economics at the University of Chicago, Amer launched a series of restaurants with his father and brother. Misunderstanding the phrase “ground floor opportunity,” he promptly exited the family business and spent the next decade as an investment banker at JP Morgan.

As part of an online auction, JP came out the highest bidder for Amer’s soul. He made it to “Executive Director” level, which Amer can confirm was as breathtakingly boring as you’re imagining. Amer stopped returning JP’s calls and deserted Wall Street altogether to focus on nonprofit work.

Exactly. Alongside four others, Amer established the Pillars Fund to improve the cultural impact of Muslims in America. And with Wall Street’s buttoned-up culture behind him, Amer decided to start experimenting with a number of harsh, imported shaving creams (Amer requests that you do not ask him about this).

Um, exactly. Amer began to secretly frequent the US Consulate in Jerusalem to share his personal story with Palestinian businesspeople and students. Finally, in 2014, he left his active roles in the nonprofit sector and abandoned shaving products altogether.*

Fresh out of ideas, Amer turned to the only trade that would still take him in: comedy. Inspired by his own acting (and group therapy), Amer completed acting school, produced and performed in various improvised theater pieces, had a brief but unsuccessful dalliance with a mustache, and wrote and produced a web series, “The Money Show.” Above all else, Amer values truth, justice and the Canadian way. Will you be Amer’s friend? * In a startling and recently discovered twist, it seems that in 2014 Amer inexplicably and tragically shaved his beard, just moments before they became cool. Little is known at present about the cream he used.